Dear Santa Claus,
This year, I have been a very passive aggressive little advertising tampon. I have sometimes cheated, and I have often helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their colostomy bag. And I always say thank you, which makes me polite, and so I deserve lots of love this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring Valium. For my daddy, please bring a new money clip. For my little brother, please bring Barbie. For my hampster, please bring breath mints. Oh – and for my cleaning lady, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.
Now about me! Please bring me all of the Anna Nicole Smith toilet paper, and front row tickets to Mary-Kate and Ashley – plus backstage passes so I can get airborne Chlamydia! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my amputee Afghan orphan. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!
Anyway, I hope you like the cognac I left out for you.
Breathlessly,
markela Bg
PS: Please say hello to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember greek goverment? She has been a really perverted dork all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put ebola in their stocking. Thanks!
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